After quite sometime , I am feeling calm at mind. Been quite panicky about my immediate future from a lot of different angles. Considering my Medium term ambition of settling down as a Professiional writer/ Director, having been made lot of commotments in my personal life, and where I am today how ever good or bad it is, not aligning with all these.... I have been quite worked up... After a lot of deliberations with myself and people who know me well , I have kind of decided my route for the next 5-6 years. I have started in earnest to work towards it and pray& hope everything falls in place.

It is a funny feeling when obvious things dont seem to work out, succeses you are sure of does not come thru... you seem to look into yourself past and with-in and think that you are paying todya for the grave mistakes of yesterday . Dont know how much sense it makes... but once you have done things which deep shit in your own perspective and in the immediate future feel that you have kind of escaped the situation... you start the wait for the payback, sub-consciously though.

But may be that is what life is... as i told you yesterday, i am in my baby days in blogging.. may be i am still in my babay days in seeing life... and at times you get a chance to see the whole picture... and you are incredulous at this concept called Life!

I have been sitting with this window open for almost 3 hours... I want to write something, but i have no idea.... never had the habit of writing a diary.. are cancerians secretive... hell I have no idea. Writing for the sake of writing, or to just let thoughts flow... I have to practice the art.

I am still in my nupital stage in blogging, still exploring the possibilites of this world..today I changed the look and feel of my blogger used some template that blogger itself ... have to pick up HTML code andtry to tweak it..(dont know if it is possible).

My sis's place is called Chakratha,where my Bro-in -law is currently deputed. Civilians are not allowed, we had to get special permission from Prime minister's office to enter this place. This is some 80 Km's from Yamunotri. Beautiful place at some 9000ft, only mountains around, occasionally you get to see some human beings in army uniform, a lot of fog, some rain and lot of monkeys.

All that I did there was to enjoy god's creation, catch some sleep in my sis's cozy little quarters (my Bro in law is posted in the Chinese border for some temp duty). Drink tibetiean tea , some Momo.

I just loved this place; I call it half a Kilometre from Heaven.

We had visited Mussorie and Dehradun before reaching here (Chakratha is 90 Km uphill from dehradun). We had camped in the army transit camp in Dehradun, went around dehradun (the HQ of Forest research) and Mussorie (kempty falls, Mall road etc) in a days time. Rs 1500 for a Tata Sumo. We proceeded to chakratha in an army gypsy. The road was dangerous and rusty. Landslides were a common scene and what ever is left is hardly 5 feet wide, which makes driving so risky, Dad, mom and me were so excited to see the rising mountains rising and we being slowly cut of from civilization.

From Chakratha, via dehradun we went to Manali. Took the State transport bus... might look tiring and foolish, but it was great. If we want to enjoy rural North India, we need to travel in State transport busses. The chatter of rural folk, moving in and out of every possible but stop, the slow and dragging movement of the bus, the occasional drizzle which wets your face etc. It was 17 hrs journey from Dehradun to Manali via chandigarh & Bilaspur. Drivers changed at three different points and the conductor twice. And each time the journey seemed to change course, the ambience around, the way the bus was being maneuvered and of course the geography. It was like 3 different journeys in a single trip.

We had reached Manali, juts about the time the season was getting over. Hence a lot of things were cheap, like we could get ourselves booked in to a Suite room at 2500 for 2 days and a package of Rohtang and round Manali for 1500 in a Qualis. Not lot has changed in Manali b/w my previous visit here in 2001 and now. People are still very loving and warm, Nature is still the same old beauty and people have retained their kindness to nature.

But when we traveled uphill to Rohtang, I was in for a surprise. Last time I came here, Rohtang was covered with snow & ice, from almost half my journey I was traveling on a small path cut out from ice... brutal ice. But now we were moving up thru absolute splendor, vegetation till my vision can reach and beyond that the clear blue sky. A rare mix of green and blue with golden patches (oh! of course moving white formed by grazing sheep up in the mountains, clouds that seem to be resting on the pinnacle). Serene, again half a kilometer from heaven, but of a different nature. A heaven with inhabitation but people living in an unusual agreement with nature.

Rohtang had changed, big time. No snow, no ice but tall mountains and deep valleys all around. At one point you can see 4000 ft rising above you (We are already at 14000 ft), move a little farther and you can see 14000 ft dropping below you into the spiti valley, straight, no bends, no curves dropping dead...We are at the cliff. Man we are almost in Heaven. I am adamant to touch snow, fall to the trap of some horse men... pay Rs 1000 for a two way trip of 5 Km for two Horses (me and mom.. dad stays back, not so strong heart). We are taken thru some bends and curves uphill, at the end of which we get to take snow in our hands.... My mom always wanted to be in the midst of a lot of snow... although by far this could have been the smallest area of snow you can have, Mom is happy she had touched snow (man think from the POV of some one from near the equator...kerala).

After some breathtaking locales, sceneries and some palpitation we are back at the starting point. I think that my dad after traveling so far should not miss what I enjoyed. Our driver accepts the request of driving us a little farther on leh-ladak road( leh-ladak is some 14 hrs from rohtang thru roads at 18000ft above sea).

After spending, a day there we are back in Manali. Next day we go around manali. We had bath in vashishta hot sulphur bath. At the Clubhouse in manali my dad and me catch a peg of bacardi each. My mom breaks the news of their son being a smoker... Dad asks me which is my brand... gold flakes kings should be obvious choice for a banglorean.. Dad grins and says I have chosen to follow my dad's foot steps... after a little admonishment and a frank and sincere advice of a smoker who had called it quits, we are again sitting at the fireplace and enjoying our drinks.

That evening I bid farewell to Manali for the second time in 3 years. Once again, I have vowed to come back here and I would keep going there as long as I am alive... I am in love with the place.

As I got into the bus to Chandigarh, I was saying good-bye to the most wonderful fortnight I have had in years. I think this was the first Holiday I had gone for with my dad & Mom. It was the first time in years I felt the warmth and love of family and I didn’t want to come back.

But as always, man need to come back for the morrow, for good or for bad.

Life
To see all world in the fluttering of a butterfly,
To traverse eternity in the split of a second,
To have all infinity in the back of your mind,
To quench all thirst by a drop of water,
To feel all emotions in a single lifetime
To view ages together in one man's eyes,
To touch the sky ,to fly.
To hope that all dreams come true.
To dream.
To hope for that better tomorrow.
Life is just that,
To live each moment afresh.
And happy.

Danny john

01-01-2002

1/2-a kilometer from heaven

Is my mind. Is the state of my mind. I think its simple to be in heaven! Blasphemy.. . who can be in heaven, men can only go to heaven…. I disagree; I am in heaven, every now and then .. continually … I get kicked out at times but manage to climb back up every time.

For me heaven is a state of the mind, create, sustain and kill… your mind is heaven. Ideas from life and then it need to procreate… but I need to kill a race of ideas by a twinkle of my eyes… then my mind is heaven.

But why then ½ a kilometer, because I cannot create, sustain and kill myself…my heaven! I am still ½ a Km from heaven…. hardly!

Dan

Frist one!!!

Life often throws at us unique challenges. One of the most obnoxious of them is presenting itself to us in a temptingly incomplete form; incomplete in the sense that it is something that is gifted to the sheer surprise (serendipity or otherwise would come across along the way; sadly though) of the receiver.

When the whole story starts we are already half way through the drama. Like some old adage that goes somewhat like “ have been wet, hence better complete the bath” kinda situation; The temptation of living on and searching for the treasure that may come (or never come), the fear of living through and wanting to change the highway chosen, the nostalgia of wrongs and rights, never mind where you are standing…. Never know. I am still searching, and luckily I come across life in the most enjoyable format…. Tape/CD/MP3 .. as suited to the times… though far and few and it is the sweet anticipation of these that make me wake –up every morn and look at the sun and smile, be happy with my life.

I needed this; I can never say. But had I been given a choice, would I have decided otherwise...may be not. Sometimes fun is in taking on this challenge that life has thrown upon you and making these half-baked pancakes and half-ripen mangoes relishable.

Ps: If you think what was the above BULLSHIT about… why am I blogging on the first place?

Dan.