Half-baked pancakes/ Half-ripen mangoes

Disjointed Unions

2012-01-15T18:56:00.000+05:30

By the window,
I wish I could have seen her once; just once before she went up in flames
Exploding herself, the ones she opposed, also the ones she defended
For herself this is, she claimed in the many letters she wrote to me
For her beliefs, principles; but what it turned out to be, I asked
The answer was silence, no more letters, and a period of void
Then finally blood and flesh scattering on to the same land she loved, I loved!
Sitting there at the window, looking out into passing frames, gaze fixed nowhere,
I was awaiting those letters from nowhere, in my own sweet world

By the door,
This one cannot hear, neither can see, nor talk; I heard them say about Ramu just before we met
He was sitting in a corner by the Ganges, on the steps that lead to eternal salvation; I was walking down hoping to cleanse myself
Of all the sins my profession earned me; pleasure they had said, I was seeking, but some bread for dinner was all I wanted
I was going to die, my doctor had told me, better die at the Ghats he advised; so here I was waiting for the end, but it finally seemed life had begun
when Ramu touched me for the first time the other day; He could not see me, nor hear me; it was through touch that he told me he loved me,
It was when he held me, caressed my forehead, hugged me, and cried out when I died, I finally lived;
The train chugged along nicely, as Ramu alighted carrying in his heart a lifetime of joy;
For he finally could see someone, hear someone and whisper to someone

There she sits,
As the train kept chugging along, I noticed her for the first time in twelve hours
I was bemused, but surprised why my eyes did not catch the sight before
Stunning she looked, but made up, wholly; why would someone be me, I thought
I was running away from me, thought being born this way was a curse, hoped I could have been a boy
A few stations later, she said to me, it feels good to be a woman, liberated to be finally what I am;
And I thought to myself, how strange is this world; that one’s God is another one’s Devil
We got down together before our destination came; walking out into the world, liberated from chains,
Chasing our Gods, and devils; dancing to the tune set by the wind, in our own sweet worlds

One who was sitting in my place,
I was searching for myself in all the stories I wrote, all these years, until this day
I am the one without roots, born somewhere, grew somewhere, fell in love somewhere, lived someplace else, and finally died somewhere
Nomadic spirit, with no strings, the one who lived under many skins as it suited
The one by the window left me wanting
The one by the door left me crying
But I escaped reality with the one like me, the one I fell in love with
And we set out,
Chasing our Gods, and devils; dancing to the tune set by the wind, into our own sweet worlds

Dannie John
15-Jan-2011

I am just a colour

2012-01-15T18:29:00.000+05:30

Why have you branded me?
Tormented my existence
What if I did not want to represent what you made me out to do?
What if I could rebel?
Pink thinks he is stronger than you make him look
Red loves peace and did you know white is more violent than most of us?
Green does not plant trees, nor blue do any work
And for me, you made me out to be the villain
While I looked beautiful, sans any pigment,
I am like anything else, as clueless as anyone else
Why did you complicate?
When I am just a colour!

Dannie John
15-Jan-2011

An empty canvas, an empty page

2012-01-15T10:44:00.000+05:30

White, clean and empty it was, was a long time ago
When I started, undecided of the first brush stroke, the first word
A palate full of colours, a mind full of words
Ready but not clear, wanting but not certain
Of the woman I wanted to paint, of her story I wanted to write
I sat staring into the darkest point on the all white canvas,
Moments passed, my head ached, ice melted, ash collected
The first stroke never arrived, my first word never appeared

It was a beautiful high-rise, a balcony with a view
My chair settled nicely into the corner, and there was a lake across the road
Sprits to give company, to raise me above mortals
The idea, you see, is to be alone, and loneliness springs up beauties
The walls were painted imaginatively, the slow music played inspiringly
The setting sun enhancing the mood, the palate on the sky offering colours
Moments passed, my head ached, ice melted, ash collected
But yet, the first stroke never arrived, my first word never appeared

Then I gave up on my vision, thought she left me for better men
Folded up the canvas, tore up the pages
Emptied my glass, and stormed out of my world
Across the road, by the lake, there is a small little market
Little it may be, but crowded it always was
I walked up to the tea stall, traded steam for spirit
Among the people, into the crowd, on to a nearby rock
I settled in, dejected at being cheated, abandoned and discarded

Dark, dirty and cluttered it was, a few moments ago
When I cried, in agony, pain and exhaustion of forcing creation
I still was alone for sure, but amidst a maddening crowd
Among people, faces passing by, some smiling, some grim, some cruel
My woman somewhere lurking around the corner, her beauty to be discovered
My canvas, my page found purpose, they set out looking, calmly searching
My brush, my pen waited patiently, for her to come, no inspiration, no imagination
She would come, and fall into my arms, I knew

Moments have passed, my head does ache,
But the bitter sweetness of this wait keeps me going!

Dannie John
15-Jan-2011

The Hero is always someone else

2011-05-18T20:16:00.000+05:30

So he came, crying, kicking, in tears, covered in blood
Someone cutout what kept him from coming in
Someone pushed him into the scene, wonder if he would have come eventually
Someone wiped his tears, blood and warmed him up,
While she looked on, struggling to get his eyes opened, he cried, kept crying
When did he start walking, learned to be proud, and thought of independence?
For he came assisted, will go assisted;
Someone else’s benevolence, he was pushed to being born
Some else’s kindness, he might get a respectful farewell!

Dannie John
18-May-2011

A twist to come

2011-03-14T19:20:00.000+05:30

A rush of blood into my head
Little finger moves up a bit
Eyelids flutters just for a while
Sweat drops drip through my chin

My body shivers, shudders in pain
I am spent, my head almost droops
But a flash of light enters my thought
It shakes me up, lifts up my head
I hear a gentle voice speaketh to me
Come ‘on pal, you can’t lie low,
A man can fall, can lag, can lose
But one can’t give up, or stop the fight
For one who gives up and stops the fight
Is not worthy of being called a man
For one who gives in and lets in defeat
Had lost the plot, even before first bell
Now come ‘on pal, gather up yourself
Go back in there and bring on the best
Go on fighting up till the grave, but go on and on
Blood may ooze through sweat drops
Bones may crunch under the pressure
Muscles may give up, so may your body
But as long as hope persists
There is still a twist to come

So here I am, limping my way up
My backbone squeals as it straightens up
But once on my legs, I hold my head high
Ready for another fight, to go on all the way
Never to give up, Never to lose hope
I may be dead, but buried, not quite yet
I will not give up till the coffin’s shut
Even then, I will fight back from my grave
And come back alive to win my moment
For if there is hope, there is a twist to come

Dannie John
28th Feb 2011

Where we all belong

2011-02-20T17:03:00.000+05:30

There is this place beyond the window rails
Beyond our daily chores, away from piles of papers
Far from the flickering screen with zeros and ones
A place we call our own, a secret dwelling or a lonely planet

Chasing images that appear on pages, or in a lovely film
Or those that zoom past us, as we stand stranded at a busy crossroad
We build it around us, in tiny fragments, bit at a time
The texture of which resembles the scarlet of a late evening
Or the dampness of those hillside holidays
The cacophony of a messy main street
Or the silence that precedes the morning sun
Light rays or dew drops, screeching horns or quietness
For each of us, our own, this place our heaven on earth
Hidden at times from even our own consciousness

Strangely though, we move in and out
Drifting between realms like gods do
To be there, and here, now and next
But for some of us,
It is to be there, that we are here
Rarely wanting to come back, to live
Oh, but for us, to live is to be there
To breathe is to die to our surroundings
Our bodies remain alive, our mind alive in our own place
Hidden at times from even our own consciousness

There is this place beyond the lives of others, or ours
This is a place where we all belong
So distinct but yet so similar
All at once, and forever

Dannie John
19-Feb-2011

Chasing Fish

2010-12-04T11:36:00.002+05:30

Kites flying high, chasing fish in sidewalk drains
Running around the house shouting stupid slogans
Driving around a single wheel Mercedes, along the parapet of my terrace
Picking mangoes of the neighbors groves, playing mama’s boy when the sun goes down
There was never enough to do, but never any more to achieve
Never once a day that started without smiles or one that ended without tears;
But when the night fell quiet, tucked into my bed, sleep overwhelmed me like there was no morrow
Looking back mate, I would trade all of tomorrow, and most of today for one yesterday
Can you, lord, sent me back to being a child?
Someone sang, freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose,
I say, freedom’s just another word when there is nothing left to do
Guess, setting out with a planned tomorrow, and a reviewed today, has made me far from free
Can you, lord, with an open sail, set me back on trail, to gently float to a never-ever land, today?

Exploring though the paddy fields, I came across a place
With waterfalls, and tadpole swims, some rays reflecting off
All it was, was a gentle stream, with a bund at its edge
But for my little brain, was the paradise my dad spoke of in early morning prayers
For all my days as a little boy, I kept going back
To the paradise, to this never-ever land, my secret freedom place
But now, guess, some stones have crushed my little tadpole swims
For I see a new habitation to have overwhelmed my secret land
A kid skips and hops in their courtyard, hope he finds on my behalf a new freedom place
Looking ahead mate, I guess, yester will never come back; all I do is, wait for this act to pass
Can you, lord, sent me back to being just a child?
Someone sang, freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose,
I say, freedom’s just another word when there is no more air to breath
Guess, looking ahead, looking forward to a life of emptiness is all we do
Chasing fish within a huge glass bowl, like fools we look to God
So lord, with an open sail, set me back on trail, to gently float to a never-ever land, today?

Sitting at my balcony, staring at these kids, playing, running to nowhere
I feel happy to see someone keeping up the legacy, of being just a child
So I grow old, and leave this trail, someone picks up dust
To leave a trail for someone new, and the world just goes around
So lord, here I am, stepping out to a busy day, with plans in my head, and a destination to reach
But, promise me to pull me out, and set me back on sail, to gently float to a never-ever land
With nowhere to go, and no days to count!

Dannie John
4-Dec-2010

Live

2010-10-29T09:30:00.000+05:30

A refugee in my own land
An orphan among my own people
When will I see the bright blue sky?
When will this rain stop?
A trickle it starts, then oozes out,
Bullets, blood and bath from above
Living through this night
Waiting for the Sun, that never comes
I have learned to dream, to hope, to live!

Dannie John
28-Oct-2010

Song of agony, of pain and loss

2010-08-13T20:39:00.002+05:30

Far, far away, there is a place called happiness
Far away from these beautiful hills
From the mountain springs
From the cuckoo songs
And the misty woods

Beneath my feet are gold and more
Visitors here chasing ore
Saviors many, spreading lore
Master, but why do you make me sore
cause all that glitters, don’t surely soar

All that has risen is pain and agony
Behind my home were woods of ebony
Today I look like them, all bony
My eye’s are full, my belly all empty
Wasted for all, and almost loony

I am all but a few years into my life
Been through lot, sadness rife
Through many a crime, so many time
Is there a God? Come save my life
Before these saviors snatch it off

In this tussle, I have lost my youth
Minister, do you have no kids?
My saviors make their kids to kill
Visitors need to bloat their kids
Why in my own home, I do not count

I stand at this foothills, and cry aloud
My land of honey, of laughter, of tears
This land where my father tilled,
Has all over his blood spilled;
And today my land has shunted us out

Sadly, I sing,
Far, far away, there is a place called happiness
Far away from these beautiful hills
From the mountain springs
From the cuckoo songs
And these misty woods

Dannie John
13-Aug-2010

Last Breath of Innocence

2010-08-12T23:58:00.000+05:30

Nice dream
Kind Miracles
Carpets over the clouds
Castles in the sky
Feet kissing the grass
Arms swinging as I swing along
Nice Dream, Kind Miracles
Eyes shut, looking up to the skies
Hair let loose, flying, keeping up
If there were dreams, I would have dreamt
If there were miracles, I would have lived

Nice dream, Kind miracles
Oh, help me stay put in my life
Saviors snatching away my last toy
Handing over complex ones
My mama’s bosom changed to a reddened ravage
Certain directions convoluted to pipe dreams
My land, my history traded in spirited bourses
Could I just play? Be a normal brat
Or fight? Oh, fight I did,
My trigger flushing out a dozen fountains
Falling a thousand men, and me
Arms swinging as I fall alone
Eyes shut, looking up to the skies
Hair let loose, flying, keeping up
If there were dreams, I would have dreamt
If there were miracles, I would have lived

Dannie John
12-8-2010

Alone

2010-03-04T14:03:00.000+05:30

My eyes are open and see the crowd around
Sure, I can hear the chit-chat, and the rumble
Many a face seem familiar, some strange
Hand-shakes all around, burst of laughter sudden
Familiar crowd, and amidst friends
I should be at home, and at peace

My eyes are closed, though open they seem
And I can hear nothing but the sound of silence
Faces don’t seem to matter, they are not complete anyway
Nothing around connected, nothing seemed to exist
Familiar crowd and amidst friends
I am alone, as always.

Dannie John
4-Mar-2010

To you!

2010-02-03T13:09:00.000+05:30

To spend time with you
To be in your arms
To cuddle up
To play pillow fight
And to fall into your lap when tired
To kiss
To caress
To love
To fight
To hold you tight
To hold your hands
To look at the moon
To laugh,
Let us go and dwell in the villages,
In the vineyards, let us make love
Let the dewdrops of the dawn drip into our beings
As we lay lazy, naked under the vines
Let the first rays of sunshine, pierce the chill of our bodies
And bring in warmth to our entangled posture
My love, to you this ode
My heart aches, every moment far away from you
My soul quenches for your nearness
Let us go
Let us go away
To a place far away
Away from our daily chores
Breaking away the strings that chain us
To a place where it is only you and me
To the valley of hope
Of love
And honey
Let us see each other
Let us feel each other
And then, will I proclaim my love for you
Standing up on the rocks, will I shout out!
My love, there is nothing better in life
Than these moments spent with you
The trees will node in agreement
The sun will shine in acquiescence
All nature will bow, and make way for us
My love, to you this ode
Let us go
Let us go to place where no one knows us
Where we are but strangers in a strange land
The only node of recognition, is between our hearts
And then will my heart reach out to yours
And then will ours souls become one
And then will I take you in my arms
Oh my love, to you this ode
Let us go
Let us go
Let us go!

Dannie John, to his beloved, 2-Feb-2010

Ecstasy's Locks

2010-01-31T21:49:00.001+05:30

Floyd's floating up in the air
Spirits have chained me to my chair
Chimney’s galore all around me
Heaven's passage seemed totally free

Neon lights and rays of gloom
Accompanied the music of bloom
Chords of glory and beats of irreverence
Reverberated in our empty resistance

Giving into thy strong willed hold
Johnny, to thee we are but sold
As smoke fogged our eyes and soul
Strings strained in melody’s call

Ash spilling over my fingers
Listening to great rock singers
A glass of malt on the rocks
And I finally break open ecstasy’s locks

Dannie John
31-Jan-10

Color of Red

2010-01-16T16:54:00.000+05:30

I see it in his eyes
I see it when they fall
In the blood spilled over petty claims
In the slit of evil lies
Through the mortar shells, and the wicked pen
I see it within, I see it without
When an Innocent falls, and a war is won.

I see it in her lips
I see it in the red rose bud
In the air around, in shy crescendo
On her cheeks, the innocent kiss
Through the pretty gifts and the loving pen
I see it in my heart
When one falls in love and a life is won.

I see it at creation
And at destruction
I see it in rings exchanged
I see it when all have changed
I see it in the new born smile
I see it at the last flame
When all is gained, but the love is lost.

Oh, color of red,
Such an uninvited guest
Loved by all, despised the same
What an apt beginning, what an apt end
I see it around me at dawn
And when the sun sets;
When one day dies, and another takes birth.

Dannie John
16-Jan-10

Step Out

2010-01-12T18:45:00.003+05:30

Step out and look at the blue sky above, feel the cool wind brushing against your cheek, look at the leaves withering from the trees around, the stars trying to hide under the clouds, the darkness of the night, the light at dawn, feel it, see it. See the world as it was meant to be. Go for a swim in a near by river, or climb to the top of misty hill. See the dew drops. See through them the beauty of life beyond. The wet bamboo or the birds chirping around. Look at the kids in the near by field. Chasing a paper-ball or flying a stitched up kite. See life in their eyes, living through the sweat. Pick up an old rattled cycle, the good old’ buddy and go across the country side. Take your hands off the handle as you speed down an incline. Breath in. The cool air. Chase the rain. Get wet. Splash mud around. Go fishing. Catch tadpoles instead. Feel the love of life around. Of that can talk or otherwise. The connection you find in your dog’s eyes. The touch of the little finger. The warmth in your loved one’s arms.

Ash spilled over my fingers and my skin burned. As I close my eyes and just enjoy the darkness instead.

Step out.

Dannie John
12-Jan-2010

Remembrance of a dream

2009-12-19T16:51:00.004+05:30

While I lay wide awake, trying to remember my dream,
the sun came up from the horizon, overwhelming the comfortable darkness of my room
The warm rays of sunshine stroked against the coldness in my feet
and her arms stretched around my bosom;

When did I fall asleep? When did I detach?
When did I move in? When did I enter?
What was the journey? Where did I end up?
All I remember is a sinking feeling of having lost that dream

While there, I had promised myself to never come back
To live on, in the world beneath my eyelids
To sing, to dance, to love, and to be loved
Never once to return, Never once to forget

He was a tall man, and I was riding a horse
I remember her smell, of rose and many others
Alas, I cannot remember her face, but the touch is so new
The dance so mesmerizing, and her smile so enchanting

Bits and pieces of my dream lay up on the ceiling like a jigsaw puzzle
Each one of them disappearing by the second
The feeling of loss sinking me further, I try to hold on to the last one
But in vain!

As the hands on the clock get closer to drawing a straight vertical
I close my eyes once again, trying to rush into the tunnel
The door closing far ahead, encircling itself into smaller loops
Stretching my hands and my failing legs, I try to pull myself back to the world again

But someone has let off a siren, one that of alarm, the ringing growing louder
May be I should not have come out, may be they found out
The warm rays of sunshine stroked against the coldness in my feet
and her arms stretched around my bosom;

A slow movement in the bed, and the siren went out
Awake I lay, thrown out of the palace of my own creation
My foolishness to step out, in to the world to take a break
All I remember is a sinking feeling of having lost that dream

Each day I wake up, though I like it not
Each day I step out, to step into this world of rot
Waiting to pass through the seconds of pain, to go back in night to my world of joy
Hoping someday I will never wake, and live on in the world beneath my eyelids

Dannie John
19-Dec-09

Beginning

2009-08-07T20:07:00.002+05:30

As he stood there and watched, there was a miracle taking place. He saw red, blood red really, as if he were looking at the horizon. I would more call it the rising sun. Or is it not? A new day was being born, for someone at least.

White coats rushed all around him, smell of spirit filled his nostrils. There was blood dripping into a bowl. He probably had never seen so much human blood at once. And at once, he felt nausea. But the hope of what lay ahead, kept him there. Or may be it was her grip.

She held on to him tightly, as if there was no tomorrow. She lay there, with eyes wide open, with her grip strongly around his wrists, with inexplicable pain seizing every single muscle in her body, waiting for the moment. The moment of truth. And then she thought for a second, just a flash of a thought passed her mind before pain again defeated her. Sometimes we endure pain no one can ever measure, with just the reassurance of a better tomorrow looking over us with soothing kindness. Why am I going through this?

And then he saw a strand of hair. Anxiety was slowly seeping in. With every passing second, there was a fulcrum of emotions playing around in his mind. The sight of every additional inch brought in excitement. As the grip tightened, that changed to nervousness, anxiety and sometimes sheer pain where her nails dipped.

He thought to himself, is it all? Have I achieved all? Manhood is complete.

When the head was out, his first instinct was to look for resemblance. But then she was crying aloud. Did he hear some expletives? Oh, that was a response, he realized. He had accidentally said "Push baby".

It was nine months since I slept properly, like always I loved, curled up within my blanket, knees touching my breasts. It been a long time, I ran up the stairs, got drenched in rain, danced in the shower. It has been a long time I breathed easily. It has been a long time. And then she cried out loud, a cry of pain and of giving in. A cry of victory, of having done with. A cry of happiness. A cry of emptiness, of the weight draining out. She thought, all certain done, it was nice carrying you my child.

And through the gap between her legs, she saw the first glimpses of her new born.

For them it was a new dawn. For a second the two parallel lines of thought met, they thought to themselves, my child is beautiful. It was not over, they thought, it is just beginning.

DJ
7th Aug 09

Note: I have never witnessed a birth. I have just tried to think like the protagonists.

2009-07-26T17:56:00.003+05:30

its been a while. And I am damn pissed. Wasted 700 days of my life. Sorry.

Need to thank Jeff. Never met him, but accidentally pushed me to read my blogposts again after so long. And I need to confess, I am ashamed, sad and angry at myself for not being able to commit time to write.

So it seems I am getting back to being me. The first step is here, over the past week - dusted out myself from excuses and reasons for not thinking / creating. Today pushed myself to sign-in (after 2 years). And suddenly I realise, I have so much to say and I am wasting my life by not doing it. My mind has been swollen with ideas, nights have been again about dreaming movies, and every now and then there are two lines of unadulterated poetry spilling out. And I am enjoying it.

Thanks Jeff.
DJ

Withered Raindrops – A Story of Us

2007-07-30T23:42:00.001+05:30

The days we strolled hand in hand
In light drizzle
The rain drops
And the rainbows we saw through them
The smell of the new born mud
Do you remember?

Do you remember the morning fog?
The steaming idlies at Iyengar’s?
The By-Two coffee
The late night cinemas?
The ride back home
The love we shared
Do you remember us?

Do you remember the first touch?
The gentle caress on my hair
The hesitant mingling of our fingers
The nervous smile
Anxious eyes
Thirsty Heart

Do you remember?
Me?
My name?
My face
Smell
My all
Do you remember me??

You wish for a nest when it rains
And
Wait to fly out
I miss you most times
Though I have you around all times

Do you remember?
The days we fought
The pillow in the middle
The cuddle at dawn, and the realization little later
The badly made coffee in the morning
The forgotten Kiss
And the hug
Careful glance, to avoid being caught

We have become memory
The present reduced to a badly directed stage act
But why is act going on?
Even after the curtain call

We have become memory
And memories of us come back to me as a sweet dream
Inflicting a pain, sweet and sour at the same time
Can we live in our past and push the present forward

A decade of marriage
And its anniversary has become a forgotten tale
We cuddle up in our sleep
But as strangers we wake
Do you remember?

Do you remember?

Do you remember?

Do you remember?

the first smile,
the first touch
Kiss
Kiss
Do you remember?

Unending phone calls
Coffee that never gets o’er
Sun that never sets
When it does finally,
It never comes back

The lazy mornings
The disturbing maid
And the sunlight

The walk around the house in underclothes
The cuddle at the gas stove
My kiss on the neck
And the lazy morning rain

To be continued….

DannieJohn

2007-06-10T01:57:00.001+05:30

First experiments with my New Toy - EOS 400D

2007-01-31T16:09:00.000+05:30

Ammazing song... Amazing feeling listening to it...

feelin blue feelin blue feelin blue
my heart says can't be can't be true

jane kya chahe mann bavara
akhiyaan mere saawan chala

feelin blue feelin blue feelin blue
my heart says can't be can't be true

saghan aachal sarabore hove
sajan aasuvan main kya jor hove
kya jore hove apne jiya pe
mann to mhara ye manncahala

jane kya chahe mann bavara
akhiyaan mere sawan chala

pavan purva main yoon udta jave
badra chanda se mann judta jave
aave havaa ka jhoonka fir aaisa
toote patang ki door sa

jane kya chahe mann bavara
akhiyaan mere sawan chala

2007-01-22T16:24:00.000+05:30

Childhood Memories

I am trying to run through my childhood…. My years of growing up, coming to terms with life which was as at the same time stupidly funny and profound. I am trying to go back to the earliest day in my life that I can remember. Trying hard.

Sometimes there are bits and pieces, some days are in order and are continuous. Some were happy, some were painful. Sometimes I relate to them, can find words to articulate the experiences I have gone through, sometimes memories have become old and unclear. They have started to wear off like the old photographs in my Grandma’s album. The moment you look at it, you know this is a beautiful snap but time has erased some of its beauty and now is presenting itself to me as some Jig-saw pieces. Let me have the fun of putting it in order.

I have always tried to maintain a Diary and in some occasions I have been fairly successful in documenting some of my days (mostly it was written during the brief drowsy moments before sleep seized me). But somehow it is more exciting to look at those unclear photographs of my memories and try to figure out the beauty of it.

One characteristic of my childhood that I vividly remember is that I was constantly out of sync with rest of the world around me. I lived mostly in a world created by myself, where I chose the characters, the setting and the environment. When I first read Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strip, I could immediately identify with Calvin – mainly because I lived my childhood like him. Not as cynical, but surely as detached from the rest of the world. But as years went by, I slowly started recognizing life around me. Today, I still retain 30 to 40 percent of this trait – In fact I have a world tucked away in my privacy, in my mind, I sometimes steal a moment of secrecy to look into my bathroom mirror and act out few of my fellow citizens (of my world). But I also have my saner world, as some might call it, the one I actually enjoy much lesser, the one in which I need to struggle through 30 days to get my bank account filled so that my bread and butter can be taken care of. Given a choice I would love to remain in my world, one I created some 20 years back, when I was kid, and risk being looked down as an insane and mentally unfit fellow for community living.

My mom tells me that, once back from school, I used to finish homework and milk and run to enact a play in the courtyard of my house. I hardly remember what it was about and from where I picked up inspiration for it. But I remember the hero of the play was called “Maccedona” - God alone knows what it means.

I used to walk from one end of the courtyard to the other muttering rubbish (in my mom’s words) – probably for me it was highly intellectual dialogue of my play or was it life itself. At times I used to gallop on one leg, indicating travel of my hero on a horse. I remember the swift movements of my hands, my mannerisms indicating an adventure. Aah, now I remember, probably I was inspired by the Greek tales that I learned in my school.

I am still trying to go back to the earliest day I can remember in my life.

Something else I remember about my childhood was that, I was never academically inclined. That does not mean I was less curios of the intricacies that surrounded me. I could never get myself to sit in one place and mug all that I was required to. I had questions on everything, if I found answers for them, then that was education for me. Sometimes I could not find answers, no one would provide them. There is a C&H carton, where Calvin asks his dad, how load testing is done on a bridge and his Dad gives him some stupid answer. I have received a lot of stupid answers like that – not from my dad, from others around me.

I used to ask questions, more of them and question each answer given. I still have that trait. Some people find it irritating but for me, I derive my inspiration and learning from asking questions.

My sister was a very dominant inspiration and source of learning for me in my early days. We were two kids and our parents used to work. So most of my childhood, it was the two of us. The earliest image I can remember of me now is that of my sister giving me a bath, putting talcum powder, combing my hair, dressing me up etc. Once both of us were ready – this would be around 5 PM; we would stand on that high step in the corner of our old gate and wait for our parents to get back home from work.

To be continued…

Writer’s Block

2007-01-11T18:33:00.001+05:30

When the sun sets and darkness prevails
Night stands out and smiles at me
The cold of the mist surrounds
Wet grass everywhere around
My eyes fixed on the eternity above
And you resting on my stretched arms below

How many more such moments do I yearn for?
My love, when you are with me and my loneliness.
Perhaps that is why I love to be alone
Alone with shapes I deem necessary
My imagination playing the creator
My whole his fingers

Shapes that come to me from my past,
Forms that breathe at times, at times not
Soulful at times, at times not
Some which make me wonder the marvel of thee
Shapes that I make love to; laugh with and cry
These are my moments, mine alone and yours

My imagination, my love and my Spirit
When I close my eyes, I see you at times
I move into this darkness and emptiness at others
I search for you for days but in vain
And then you appear from nowhere to make me crave
For more of you; but you have kept me your slave

Alas, I could say “Let there be", but I can’t
I am to struggle to create petty makes
Eyes wide open fixed on the eternity above
Wet grass everywhere around
And hope to have you resting on my sretched arms below
Alas I could say “Let there be”
And a marvel like you would come to life; over and over again

Dannie John
11-Jan-07

2007-01-09T19:07:00.000+05:30

Some Snaps

Pictures I took for christmas. The christmas tree at home & Me at my bedroom balcony- sober of course.

2007-01-09T18:39:00.000+05:30

Some movies.... Some Cribs
===================
Hi..
The other day I was watching a movie called " Secret window" . Predictable but Impressive. The best thing Iliked about the movie is the way it started. It started with the text display of " 6 months later". What impressed me is the way the writer/director (David Koepp) effortlessly and naturaly compressed the background story into one text card in the first scene. After reading that, all the rest of the story falls into place so nicely.Funny and errie movie. Ending was very predictable, but probably you dont like the movie for what it is, you more like it for the way it is.

Infact I stumbled upon this while I was watching Iqbal. Watched half of it. I would have probably dealt with the screenplay slightly differently. Different sensibilites, I guess. Nevertheless, fun to watch. Shreyas is a good actor (i was about to write natural actor, but suddenly realised acting can never be natutal).

Last saturday I tried writing after a long hiatus. I picked up, one of my incomplete works - "Flowers in Monsoon" and tried re-visualising the whole work. wrote only one page, but I loved it. The first draft was written 4 years back and what I wrote on sat was far better, much aesthetic and poetic. Maturity counts, I guess.

One thing I have noticed you need tremendous discipline, good mindspace to think and lot of ideal time to day dream if you want to be a writer. My current profession as a recruiter does not allow me this. I am frustrated from that point of view.

Now I am working on my discipline, tried morning walk today. As for Mindspace and time, I am trying to find a workaround for this. Lets See. I want my first movie released before 2010 ends.

All my struggle further is towards this.

Cyao.

2006-12-21T16:32:00.000+05:30

Manu Sharma was convicted..... Some years back it would have been impossible to even imagine such a high profile guy to having not escaped the clutches of Law.. It was sheer public pressure which pushed the case to a justifiable end... Kudos to all the major campaigners for this effort...

SreeShant from Kerala.... Need I say more.... He said... over said all most all things anyone can do for him in the cricket ground.Kudos young friend for making all of us proud

And I am waiting for Guru.....Hey I was watching Jaaneman... It was cute movie... Absurd story.. Average performances....But one thing stood out and one thing made me like the movie so much, the Format in which it was taken....I am not able to define the format... you need to see it ot belive it....it is like one mega- broadway - musical.....I keep wondering how the writer would have written the screenplay...then the script........ interesting

2006-12-21T16:29:00.000+05:30

Ganguly was one of the main contributors for India's first test win. This is what I like about this guy... Dtermination and grit.... Mental toughness.... He is probably one of the guys with just average talent aong the top players... but surely is one big example of what determination and grit can do to you.... of what the compulsive need to survive...exisit... Live....takes you to the top of the world....

2006-12-21T16:27:00.000+05:30

Yesterday I had been to Ramnagram as a part of year ending celebration from office. It was a nice compact one day trip, mainly focusing on (as the organizers and instructors told us) our ability to push ourselves to the edge and if possible beyond it. One of the instructors told us in his opening remarks that Most of us are our best when we are thrown into the most difficult situations.

And yesterday was difficult definitely, If I was my best, I surely don’t know.

The first half of the day, we did rapling from a 90ft tall steep vertical rock hill. We were to use a rope which was clipped to a harness worn around our waist and release the rope slowly as we climbed down at 90 degrees to the rock. The initial couple of steps were scary, but as we got used to the descend, I slowly gained courage to look down and Man, it was an awesome sight and a great feeling to be hanging there up in the air. After a few more steps I imagined my self to be Tom Cruise in MI2 (Yeah a slightly over weight version though) and started looking side ways, down and virtually all ways to give the pose. But before I started savoring the feeling in, I had completed the descend.

The second half was a trek (it felt like number of miles although the organizers told us it is only few KM's) but the fun was climbing rocks, walls, descending and sliding through narrow openings. In some cases, there were much easier ways to move ahead… but we took the hard way ahead to strongly tell ourselves that there were much difficult tasks outside of our jobs…. How thoughtful….

Finally we reached the Summit…. Now Ramnagaram is the place where Sholay was shot ….. And the instructor showed us the place where Gabbar was sitting in the climax; Where Samba was sitting, where Basanti danced…….

The summit was the greatest of all; we had to climb a vertical rock hill using thin step carved out of the rock….. This was not for the weak hearted….

Over all a great day…. Though my body is still aching trying to be at my best yesterday.

2006-12-02T12:16:00.000+05:30

Hey Ganguly is Back.. Hope he finds his form and gives us many more entertaining cricketing days ...

More thoughts to follow….

What is it with us Indians.....In the past few days so many convictions, so many altercations, Riots, rebellions.... apparently it seems to me that India thru the years has become an amalgamation many smaller countries, each with their own agenda's, ideologies, future and present. Probably the worst case of a federal setup.

Stats
- Kerala vs Tamil Nadu Mullaperiyar Dam
- Karnataka vs Kerala Border Dispute
- Karnatak vs Adhra Krishna river dispute
- Karnataka vs Maharashtra Border Dispute
- Karnataka vs Tamil Nadu Water dispute

Water Dispute tribunal's
-Godavari Water Disputes Tribunal (In April, 1969)
-Krishna Water Disputes Tribunal (In April, 1969)
- Narmada Water Disputes Tribunal (In October, 1969)
- Ravi and Beas Waters Tribunal (In April, 1986)
- Cauvery Water Disputes Tribunal (In June, 1990)

More reasons to worry

"100 Out of 543 Lok Sabha MPs have links to crime"

Joginder Singh former Director of CBI
The Pioneer
Nearly 33 per cent were found to be involved in heinous crimes. About 12 are charged with murder, 10 with attempted murder and 11 are acknowledged dons. It s true that most cases are old and minor in the perception of the accused. But they no longer take away the odium out of them. The world's largest democracy has nearly one-fifth of its law-makers who, at one time or the other, broke the law which they had sworn to uphold.

(Courtesy www.ourmp.com)

I think the state of our state assemblies is also not different.

Riot and rebellion at the drop of a hat. Examples from Mumbai, Nagpur, Malegoan, Mangalore etc

Where are we heading to…? I stay in Bangalore, apparently one of the most prosperous cities in India. Yeah life is different, but the bottom line is almost the same across all places.
As a Democracy are we headed the right direction. It is time to do a retrospection….

2006-12-01T16:49:00.000+05:30

Hey I am back.

There was a gap in b/w , Blogs were banned for a while, then my previous company banned it for while. so changed my job....... just kidding.Anyways as a matter of fact I did change my job and now I am with informatica, which makes products that enable Data integration.

I also change my personal status. Now I am a married man (happily married- hopefully this will never change), a 3 years old struggle to get married to the girl I loved culminated in a happy ending on 18th Nov. If I were to become a romaticist, I would write that on that day heavens opened and it rained generously, albiet spoiling the wedding party a bit.

So what does life offer me in my new avatar, till date it has been revolving around work. Both of us are in the recruitment space , making life tiring and busy. So we go to office in the morning and come back home to cook/ eat dinner and sleep. Sometimes I feel work is eating too muc into my life. But then livelihood is an important aspect.

At times both of us dream of leaving all of this behind and going to some small villagei n the country side and becoming teachers, I can write and spend my time day dreaming. Suprisingly there are alot of people sharing the same sentiment.... but dreams mostly remain as dreams.

Lets see, I will make my dream a reality....

2006-09-12T16:33:00.000+05:30

Ok this one is called ganja games…confused? it is a prank we played on one of our room mates.

We were all drunk that Friday evening. We had gone out to some pub and were returning home after picking up ghee rice from imperial or empire. (This one place is the only hope for late night partying folks like us in Bangalore. Open till 2 -3 am in the morning, a night out isn’t complete without the ghee rice and dal from there).

We were on Inner ring road, when we got this brilliant idea to make the night alive.

Then Raj asked casually “How about a round of ganja?”

I saw the twinkling in his eyes and got the point. I turned back and looked at Robin, with the same smirk that a hunter would have on his face. There our prey was sitting looking outside the window, totally drunk, not noticing our verbal exchanges.

Now Raj asked me a little more loudly

“Hey John, how about a round of ganja??”

This time it caught the ears of Robin and he gave as a stunned look. The look immediately changes to that of No this isn’t true sorts;

And I replied, even more casually.

“What an idea boss, lets rock it”

“But where do you think you would get it at this time of the day??” Raj asked

Now I am simultaneously weaving stories in my mind and taking stock of robin’s fast changing facial reactions. It ranged from shock, disbelief, anger, fear, and finally pathos.

“We will need to ask Kumar, stop near the empty field opposite Dell… we might be able to find him there”…I replied.

And Raj drove the car into the lane next to the empty field.

I asked robin to come along to collect the ganja from Kumar (god knows who). And he was probably least expecting it and plainly declined.

Then we started cajoling and coaxing him into this. But he kept refusing.

We were so amazed at how vulnerable someone can get and how easily he believed us.
Ra walked out into the lane, took the next turn, waited for sometime and came back.

“He has asked us to come to the end of the lane” Raj told pointing straight into the lane.

And we started the persuasion again. Robin was almost at tears and nearly believed that I and raj are drug addicts.

During this entire tussle, we saw a hoysala jeep approaching us from far. The next moment we jumped back into the car and sped away.

Through all these commotion, Robin has actually dropped our pack of dinner (ghee rice of course) somewhere there itself.

We slept hungry stomach that day.

Now the funniest part is just following;

The next day, We were planning to have dinner at home. Raj and robin and gone out to pick some beer.

As planned, I took a gold flake cigarette, took to all the tobacco and powdered it nicely. In fact we took the pain of mixing some jeera powder/ coffee powder... I don’t remember what … to increase authenticity.

Took some foil, wrapped it up nicely and kept it my room.

After we were sufficiently drunk, Raj asked me casually ….

“Do you have some stuff with you?? “

Robin till this moment and for a few after the statement was lost in the Pink Floyd music and beer, not giving much attention to our discussions.

But when I actually got up, apparently giving the impression that I am going to get the stuff, he turned towards us and gave a startling look.

I did not get to notice his facial expression this time as I went inside my room.

But when I emerged outside with the foil, I could see the range of emotions I mentioned earlier moving across his face.

The rest of the night I leave to your imagination.

And to this day he believes we are drug addicts.

John

2006-09-01T16:48:00.000+05:30

I am back...

Recalling my Chennai experience from the last week...On Sunday, 28th Aug, I had traveled to Chennai. On my!

This one has made me love Bangalore many times over. With all the Traffic Jams, Regardless of the long waiting periods on the road...Pollution... Auto drivers... oh did I say Auto Drivers.... I should call the ones in Bangalore Saints...Any one who disagrees, please visit Chennai... Bangalore ....I love this place...

Ok... Now for the experience.....Let me start with the previous night...Sat 27th Aug...Two of my dad's friends had come to Bangalore....central Kerala Christians being Central Kerala Christians... the first and the last thing they wanted to see in Bangalore were its Pubs....(for a small comparison here... We get good stuff here. Unlimited Kingfisher... Bacardi.....and so unlike Chennai were if we need to have a decent night out with some stuff you have heard of... We need to visit some star place). So I take them to the one on Garuda Mall… the idea being they can do some shopping and then probably settle into one of those comfy cushions in SOS.

We enter SOS and the music hit us on our face…My guests freaked out….The next 1 hour was ordeal for them. And for me trying to explain and make Metal look like slightly loud and high pitched variation of Hindustani …LOL…. Funda, I do not have a choice... Need to save the night.

Then I took them to Mojos on residency road ….they played softer music... But still was loud. This was the first time I realized how loud the music can be in a Pub…Usually when I am out with pals we are almost drunk even before we reach the pub, probably the reason why this loud seemed quite to be soft…

OK.. I am drifting off topic… the end result of the night was that I was significantly drunk…and end up sleeping at 1am. That is ok if you get to sleep till at least 9:00 am the following day. But I had to get up at 5 in the morning and push my still drunk brain and sleepy body to almost run to Cant to catch the Lalbagh. Only one thing stops us from going to Chennai…. Train tickets…

When we reached Cant…the queue for open ticket is already reached outside the station building. We can wait…but one problem there is just 2 minutes for the train to reach. And God walks up in the form of a coolie and offers us tickets to Chennai…but for a little profit…Rs 10
On each ticket…hmmm not a bad deal….we grab the tickets and run towards the platform.

When the train came… we were incidentally standing near the AC Chair Car… and I see god standing with a black coat on…I request him to convert our 2nd sitting tickets to AC.. And he obliges but again for a small profit…Rs 20 per ticket…Hmm improvement…

Anyways we reach Chennai comfortably and walk out of the station all ready to enjoy the day ahead... or we thought so.

Man, how can any place be this hot, humid…I kept joking to my fellow travelers that our bodies have actually turned to salt manufacturing machine… How sick….

In fact, we had come here to attend a close friend’s engagement ceremony…Which is in a place called Nanganallur... Somewhere near Mount.

So we catch a Suburban train and go to Mount and find a hotel to relax. We are dressed formally and I am wearing a Formal Kurtha-Pyjama. When we reached the mandap (after some bargain, verbal Kungfu etc with the auto driver) , for my sheer astonishment I find even the would be groom in a normal Shirt and trouser….I just wanted to run away. We somehow managed to get out and run back to the coziness of our AC room.
One thing I have noticed in Chennai is that if you are not a Tamilian and cannot speak Tamil then you are gonna get royally screwed by the Auto fellows. And if you are not used to the climate, then you don’t even want to stand and bargain the hot sun….the attitude is … please take me to the nearest AC room... Ill pay whatever…

I have bath the second time in the day and come out of the bath room only to realize that the salt manufacturing machine has started work again. I start to hate this machine. Man it sticks, it stinks and you are most of the time wet. What a pathetic state to be in.

So towards the close of the day, we think of catching up with another friend and decide to meet him at Spencer plaza, my fellow traveler had a long lasting dream of coming to Chennai (I think that person has already decided never to come here again) and wanted to see Spencer’s.

We are on the road again. Scared of the bargain with Auto fellows we decide to walk a bit. We walk towards Le Meridian. After a while, we realize the folly of deciding to walk in this climatic conditions and finally giver into the temptation of stopping a passing auto.

Bargain time, Guys. We get into a verbal brawl, trying to give him some gyan of mathematics, time and distance, time and work…. Nothing works… our bodies start pushing us into a deal we very clearly know is stupid and finally we give in.

We get to Spencers from near le meridian for Rs 120. (Oh…Please don’t look like that; I am already ashamed of my spendthrift nature).

We meet Aaron near Spencers. He like the good old pals that I have, suggests that Spencers is a more kids place to hang out and takes us to Radha Park.

We are turned away from a Pub there because we were wearing sandals, Nike Sandals. Can you believe it, How much more presumptuous can we get. In a city that converts any average human being to a continuous source of sweat; a place where the most comfy clothes would be Short pants, cotton t-shirts and a decent pair of sandals, we are turned away for being logical and probably more apt; Blind followers of a long forgotten tradition of snobbish buffoonery.

Anyways we find another pub in the same place; not exactly a pub according to Bangalore standard – more like an Andhra restaurant for serving alcohol. May be this was meant for the lesser mortals like us who do not know the dressing tradition of Chennai.

What ever be the situation, we men are born to drink; the end result is that I am drunk again. And this time I have hardly anytime left for rushing to Koyembedu for boarding my bus. Unlike in the morning, this time I have been well prepared in advance with the berths reserved in a Volvo Ac Sleeper.

We reach the bus stand around 10:20 PM, 10 minutes… time enough before the departure. We exchange good wishes and bid good bye to our host. By this time I already have collected the boarding passes. And we board the bus…. I am shocked to see someone else sleeping on our berth. Ridiculous… these guys do not have any brains… I am ready to pick up a brawl once again, when the conductors of the bus start scolding us…

To my utter dismay… I realize that the ticket is meant for the following day’s travel…. How intelligent of me to be well prepared for something I do not need. I do not have a choice, the hunter is ready to become the prey and I start requesting for some berth that is empty.

I should say, the bus guys were very helpful. They asked us to take the last berth on the bus. Only one berth buy sufficiently wide for two to sleep. Good economics for them…1 berth for the payment of two. For me, an act of extreme kindness. Thanks god. Thank KPN.

After some acts of high jumps, Long jumps and somersaults all while sleeping, we have finally reached madivala.

We get down and as usual auto drivers cover us like a bunch of bees; we tell one of them the place we need to go and tell him that we will give him double the meter since it is 4:30 in the morning. He readily obliges. Oh, Auto drivers in Bangalore. I love you guys. Gentlemen with a very superior demeanor.

The climate is cool and soothing; the machine has stopped functioning. Skin has become smooth again. Guys, I am back to my normal senses.

I am finally back. Back home.

Thank God for bangalore.

Dannie John

2006-06-27T18:26:00.000+05:30

Hey new theorem.. stupid bundle bakhwaas theorem..... (SBB Theorem)

Theorem: Generalised method for finding the average time any person takes for walking 1 km using his/her trouser length & shoe size

Logic: At the instant when a person keeps is fist leg and lifts the back leg, the front leg is at 90 degrees to the ground. hence using pythagoras theorem H = length of the back leg (TL,trouser length in Cm's)+ SS, Shoe size, O = TL,trouser length in CM's. Find A, the average step length.

Having found A, which is approximately the average length of the step a person takes, one can calulate the time the person takes to complete the step = T.

Average Step length,S in meters = (Sqrt (sqr (TL+SS) – Sqr(TL)) )/100
Time taken for S =T
Time taken for 1 KM in Minutes= ((1000*T/(S* 60)
Time Taken for N Km's = N(1000*T)/(S* 60)

Example:

My Trouser Length = 43 inches = 110.94
My Shoe Size = 9 inches = 22.5

H= TL + SS
H=133.44

O= 110.94

A = SQRT (SQR(133.44)- SQR(110.94))
A = SQRT (17806.23-12307.68)
A= 74.15221

A or S in Metres =0.7415221

TIme taken to complete S = 1.2 Seconds

Time I take for 1 KM = (1000*0.9) /(0.7415221*60)
Time I take for 1 KM =20.22862 minutes

How was that................................NONSENSE................

2006-06-27T18:23:00.000+05:30

Hey i completed 26 years on planet earth.....

many ways to look at it;

- i have lost 26 precious years and have only around 25 left
- I have lived to see the 27th year --- at least been fit for so much

Never know which one to adopt... which ever way.....we can make it inspiring.....

cya

2006-06-27T17:04:00.000+05:30

was matching Italy Australia match yesterday.... I thought this is was on of the best football matches i had seen... The sole reason being the way the underdogs gave a run for the biggies money... But this was also one game that sadenned me a lot.... because all matches would be remembered for their bottomline and that is the score line.... regardless of what happens in the 90 minutes... it is either 1-0 or 1-1 or 0-1 probably numbers changing but the logic remaining the same. And so this match would remebered as Italy defeating australia to go to the Quarters.

I have been on the thinking mode ever since; that sometimes or more aptly more often the same is valid in life too.... there is a bottm line to every one's life. sometimes it is the riches... Mittal probably a good example... sometimes it is philanthophy ...... mother theresa ....sometimes loses/downs in life...... azhar/ cronje etc..... And no matter what you do in between... you are rembered for the scoreline/ bottomline of your life..........

A winner can be a loser..... a loser a winner.... and some one very bad can become great....vice versa.. luck.. providence call what you want... the fact remains the same...

How sad?..isnt it??

But how do we tackle this.. .can we loose through out and make a sudden u-turn and emerge a winner in the end. or would we win through out and loose in the nth hour.... scary thought...

my thinking cap goes on again....

2006-06-26T15:51:00.000+05:30

Some Photographic exploits in Manali

2006-06-26T15:36:00.000+05:30

Me and my dad 8500 ft. this was the most enjoyed fortnight in my whole life. Backpacking thru rural north India with dad and mom.

This one here is me and dad after a brief exploration into the chakratha market side another 500ft above. Back after buying dam fish.

2006-06-26T15:33:00.000+05:30

Hey me in chakrata......

2006-06-26T13:23:00.000+05:30

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaah

My marriage looks a more likely event now. 3 years of running around trees (in love idiot) and convincing our conservative families that relationships can be build just on the bond of love has borne fruit now…..

At the same time I am suffering from a phobia of the new , a pang of sadness , I am going to loose my bachelor status……..

I cannot confidently ogle now… need to play chupa rustum… hi hi hi…..just kidding yaar…. My darling is the best I could ever ask for…..

Dan

2005-11-09T11:36:00.000+05:30

After quite sometime , I am feeling calm at mind. Been quite panicky about my immediate future from a lot of different angles. Considering my Medium term ambition of settling down as a Professiional writer/ Director, having been made lot of commotments in my personal life, and where I am today how ever good or bad it is, not aligning with all these.... I have been quite worked up... After a lot of deliberations with myself and people who know me well , I have kind of decided my route for the next 5-6 years. I have started in earnest to work towards it and pray& hope everything falls in place.

It is a funny feeling when obvious things dont seem to work out, succeses you are sure of does not come thru... you seem to look into yourself past and with-in and think that you are paying todya for the grave mistakes of yesterday . Dont know how much sense it makes... but once you have done things which deep shit in your own perspective and in the immediate future feel that you have kind of escaped the situation... you start the wait for the payback, sub-consciously though.

But may be that is what life is... as i told you yesterday, i am in my baby days in blogging.. may be i am still in my babay days in seeing life... and at times you get a chance to see the whole picture... and you are incredulous at this concept called Life!

2005-11-08T16:31:00.000+05:30

I have been sitting with this window open for almost 3 hours... I want to write something, but i have no idea.... never had the habit of writing a diary.. are cancerians secretive... hell I have no idea. Writing for the sake of writing, or to just let thoughts flow... I have to practice the art.

I am still in my nupital stage in blogging, still exploring the possibilites of this world..today I changed the look and feel of my blogger used some template that blogger itself ... have to pick up HTML code andtry to tweak it..(dont know if it is possible).

2005-10-28T20:33:00.000+05:30

My sis's place is called Chakratha,where my Bro-in -law is currently deputed. Civilians are not allowed, we had to get special permission from Prime minister's office to enter this place. This is some 80 Km's from Yamunotri. Beautiful place at some 9000ft, only mountains around, occasionally you get to see some human beings in army uniform, a lot of fog, some rain and lot of monkeys.

All that I did there was to enjoy god's creation, catch some sleep in my sis's cozy little quarters (my Bro in law is posted in the Chinese border for some temp duty). Drink tibetiean tea , some Momo.

I just loved this place; I call it half a Kilometre from Heaven.

We had visited Mussorie and Dehradun before reaching here (Chakratha is 90 Km uphill from dehradun). We had camped in the army transit camp in Dehradun, went around dehradun (the HQ of Forest research) and Mussorie (kempty falls, Mall road etc) in a days time. Rs 1500 for a Tata Sumo. We proceeded to chakratha in an army gypsy. The road was dangerous and rusty. Landslides were a common scene and what ever is left is hardly 5 feet wide, which makes driving so risky, Dad, mom and me were so excited to see the rising mountains rising and we being slowly cut of from civilization.

From Chakratha, via dehradun we went to Manali. Took the State transport bus... might look tiring and foolish, but it was great. If we want to enjoy rural North India, we need to travel in State transport busses. The chatter of rural folk, moving in and out of every possible but stop, the slow and dragging movement of the bus, the occasional drizzle which wets your face etc. It was 17 hrs journey from Dehradun to Manali via chandigarh & Bilaspur. Drivers changed at three different points and the conductor twice. And each time the journey seemed to change course, the ambience around, the way the bus was being maneuvered and of course the geography. It was like 3 different journeys in a single trip.

We had reached Manali, juts about the time the season was getting over. Hence a lot of things were cheap, like we could get ourselves booked in to a Suite room at 2500 for 2 days and a package of Rohtang and round Manali for 1500 in a Qualis. Not lot has changed in Manali b/w my previous visit here in 2001 and now. People are still very loving and warm, Nature is still the same old beauty and people have retained their kindness to nature.

But when we traveled uphill to Rohtang, I was in for a surprise. Last time I came here, Rohtang was covered with snow & ice, from almost half my journey I was traveling on a small path cut out from ice... brutal ice. But now we were moving up thru absolute splendor, vegetation till my vision can reach and beyond that the clear blue sky. A rare mix of green and blue with golden patches (oh! of course moving white formed by grazing sheep up in the mountains, clouds that seem to be resting on the pinnacle). Serene, again half a kilometer from heaven, but of a different nature. A heaven with inhabitation but people living in an unusual agreement with nature.

Rohtang had changed, big time. No snow, no ice but tall mountains and deep valleys all around. At one point you can see 4000 ft rising above you (We are already at 14000 ft), move a little farther and you can see 14000 ft dropping below you into the spiti valley, straight, no bends, no curves dropping dead...We are at the cliff. Man we are almost in Heaven. I am adamant to touch snow, fall to the trap of some horse men... pay Rs 1000 for a two way trip of 5 Km for two Horses (me and mom.. dad stays back, not so strong heart). We are taken thru some bends and curves uphill, at the end of which we get to take snow in our hands.... My mom always wanted to be in the midst of a lot of snow... although by far this could have been the smallest area of snow you can have, Mom is happy she had touched snow (man think from the POV of some one from near the equator...kerala).

After some breathtaking locales, sceneries and some palpitation we are back at the starting point. I think that my dad after traveling so far should not miss what I enjoyed. Our driver accepts the request of driving us a little farther on leh-ladak road( leh-ladak is some 14 hrs from rohtang thru roads at 18000ft above sea).

After spending, a day there we are back in Manali. Next day we go around manali. We had bath in vashishta hot sulphur bath. At the Clubhouse in manali my dad and me catch a peg of bacardi each. My mom breaks the news of their son being a smoker... Dad asks me which is my brand... gold flakes kings should be obvious choice for a banglorean.. Dad grins and says I have chosen to follow my dad's foot steps... after a little admonishment and a frank and sincere advice of a smoker who had called it quits, we are again sitting at the fireplace and enjoying our drinks.

That evening I bid farewell to Manali for the second time in 3 years. Once again, I have vowed to come back here and I would keep going there as long as I am alive... I am in love with the place.

As I got into the bus to Chandigarh, I was saying good-bye to the most wonderful fortnight I have had in years. I think this was the first Holiday I had gone for with my dad & Mom. It was the first time in years I felt the warmth and love of family and I didn’t want to come back.

But as always, man need to come back for the morrow, for good or for bad.

2005-10-13T18:17:00.000+05:30

Life
To see all world in the fluttering of a butterfly,
To traverse eternity in the split of a second,
To have all infinity in the back of your mind,
To quench all thirst by a drop of water,
To feel all emotions in a single lifetime
To view ages together in one man's eyes,
To touch the sky ,to fly.
To hope that all dreams come true.
To dream.
To hope for that better tomorrow.
Life is just that,
To live each moment afresh.
And happy.

Danny john

01-01-2002

2005-10-13T18:15:00.000+05:30

1/2-a kilometer from heaven

Is my mind. Is the state of my mind. I think its simple to be in heaven! Blasphemy.. . who can be in heaven, men can only go to heaven…. I disagree; I am in heaven, every now and then .. continually … I get kicked out at times but manage to climb back up every time.

For me heaven is a state of the mind, create, sustain and kill… your mind is heaven. Ideas from life and then it need to procreate… but I need to kill a race of ideas by a twinkle of my eyes… then my mind is heaven.

But why then ½ a kilometer, because I cannot create, sustain and kill myself…my heaven! I am still ½ a Km from heaven…. hardly!

Dan

2005-10-13T17:42:00.000+05:30

Frist one!!!

Life often throws at us unique challenges. One of the most obnoxious of them is presenting itself to us in a temptingly incomplete form; incomplete in the sense that it is something that is gifted to the sheer surprise (serendipity or otherwise would come across along the way; sadly though) of the receiver.

When the whole story starts we are already half way through the drama. Like some old adage that goes somewhat like “ have been wet, hence better complete the bath” kinda situation; The temptation of living on and searching for the treasure that may come (or never come), the fear of living through and wanting to change the highway chosen, the nostalgia of wrongs and rights, never mind where you are standing…. Never know. I am still searching, and luckily I come across life in the most enjoyable format…. Tape/CD/MP3 .. as suited to the times… though far and few and it is the sweet anticipation of these that make me wake –up every morn and look at the sun and smile, be happy with my life.

I needed this; I can never say. But had I been given a choice, would I have decided otherwise...may be not. Sometimes fun is in taking on this challenge that life has thrown upon you and making these half-baked pancakes and half-ripen mangoes relishable.

Ps: If you think what was the above BULLSHIT about… why am I blogging on the first place?

Dan.